Waking Up
by Amelia Robinson
Summary: What if every event in Bella's life from Twilight to Breaking Dawn turned out to be a dream? How will she react when she realizes the Cullens never existed?
1. Forks

"Forever and forever and forever," he murmured."That sounds exactly right to me."And then we continued blissfully into this small but perfect piece of our forever_._

My eyes fluttered open in time to see the silver light cast over the ceiling. My sight was blurry until I blinked.

Did I just…wake…up?

I stared up at the roof in dull sight, recognizing this room. It was the bedroom I occupied while living in Charlie's house, so why was I here now and why did I just awaken from sleeping?

_Was it all a dream? _

It couldn't be, I was just there with Edward. We were married, owned a cottage and had a child. It couldn't all be a dream, could it?

My conscience was silent.

I sat up quickly, finding it hard to breathe.

_Could it? _I demanded from myself.

It was certainly, without question impossible. I couldn't have lost my life, my family, my daughter, my…Edward.

I pulled the covers off and began to hyperventilate.

_Relax_, I told myself, _I'm probably just going through what Alice did when she was human. I bet her visions of the future occurred in dreams, like mine did now._

_I am going to see Edward at school like usual, and we are going to laugh about the whole thing._

I settled for that, pushing all of the negative possibilities into a compartment in my mind that was bolt locked.

Before I began getting dressed, I let my head fall between my legs, allowing all of the blood to rush into my brain.

I threw on the first cleanest clothes I found, aware that I would probably have to deal with Alice's reaction to my poorly gathered apparel.

That was the least of my concerns right now, all that mattered was getting to school.

I tripped down the stairs, my involuntary clumsiness happening more frequently than any other time in my life and arrived downstairs just in time to almost run into Charlie. He'd heard me falling, no doubt.

"Whoa, Bell, Be careful. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You look stressed. What are you doing up so early?"

I hadn't looked at the clock and only realized what time it was when I glanced outside of the window.

"I, uh, wanted to make you breakfast," I spoke, my words coming out as a rush.

I hustled to the kitchen, pulling out pots and pans not normally used to prepare morning meals.

"Hey, I'm getting ready to leave soon." He stood in the doorway. "Is everything okay?"

"Mhmm. How's Billy?" I asked too fast.

"Billy?" He asked in surprise before taking a sip of the coffee he held securely in his hand.

Please tell me he was real! If Charlie would ask who that was, I might go crazy right here in front of him. If Billy didn't exists, then…

"He's fine. I would have thought you didn't remember him."

"Why wouldn't I remember?" I whispered.

"Well, you haven't seen him for years."

"I haven't?" I breathed. What day was it? "When did I arrive in Forks?"

He gave me an odd expression, "Yesterday. Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

I nodded hastily, suddenly unable to speak.

"Okay, well I gotta go, I'll see you soon."

I waved and watched him until his car was out of sight.

This was the second day I've been in town? Alright, so I didn't discover what the Cullen's were yet and Jake hadn't become a wolf.

Instead of fretting like I would usually do, I channeled the intense feeling into relief.

After all, I knew exactly what to expect.

I could tell Edward sooner that I knew about his secret, and never show up at the ballet studio when James called. I would warn the Cullens that Victoria would hunt me right after James was defeated, mate for mate.

No matter how frightful that experience was, Edward would know about it and he would never leave me unprotected, even if the werewolves were present.

Knowing everything that is going to happen could be for the best.

I tried to keep myself occupied as I endured the wait, feeling impatient by the minute. I flipped through a few channels on television, nothing at all held my interest unless it reminded me of the gut wrenching possibility that my vampires never…existed. I would start shaking and go pale white.

As much as it was a consolation, it was also a dreadful moment when I finally arrived at Forks high school.

I parked my noisy truck, purposely not searching for any of the Cullens' cars. As soon as I stepped out, I rushed straight to class without looking anyone in the eye.

Throughout the morning, people I was already familiar, gaped at me in interest, sometimes overwhelming me with the reminder that I was a new junior student, only on her second day when, this morning, I was 19 years old, and married with a daughter.

I'd definitely have to question my best vampire friend about her visions. Were they that real and extraordinary?

As I shook in my chair when the bell rang for lunch, Mike came around to my seat. I thought I was glued here.

"Hi, Bella. Are you okay? You look really pale."

"Yes, I'm fine," I fibbed.

"Okay, good. Do you wanna hang out with us for lunch again?"

I knew who the 'us' he spoke of was. Our large group of friends who would eventually divide into two crowds in only a few months.

"Yeah," I agreed and collected my books robotically.

He smiled and led me to the loud cafeteria, where I particularly made sure I didn't glance at one specific table.

After refusing to order anything at all, I sat down quietly, next to Jessica and peered down.

"Are you okay?" She questioned me rather insincerely.

"Fine," I answered for the third time today.

I prolonged the wait to look at the table almost across the lunch room, gathering all of my courage.

Then finally, I looked.

Disturbance surged through me like an electric shock, leaving a sting as it raced through my body.

No devastatingly inhumanly beautiful people occupied the table anymore. Instead, about two groups of talkative freshmen and sophomores did.

"Where are the Cullens?" I asked urgently.

She looked at me in a strange way, "Who?"

"Rosalie, Jasper…Edward?"

"Uh…no one with those names go here. I don't even think we have anyone in this town who are called that."

My eyes froze wide open, as I stared at the obnoxious lower classmen. I thought I would be paralyzed for life like this.

_No one with those names go here. I don't even think we have anyone in this town who are called that._

The words that were just said to me repeated in my head like a broken record, because I didn't comprehend what she was saying when she muttered it the first time.

I felt myself getting farther and farther away and thought it impossible to stay aware. As far as I knew, I was already gone.

Long gone.

Though there was a cluster of commotion going on in front of me, everything just seemed to stop.

My precious Edward was not here, as was my life now. My world shattered to pieces before me, destroying everything about me. There was no possible way to put it together again without him. He was not real, he never roamed the earth. My angel was gone.

And without him, our child could never be. Renesmee was more like her father than she could ever be with me, for they lived together in another world I was too familiar with.

I had nothing anymore and I was no one. My husband and daughter made me whole and now I was completely alone.

How come I didn't just disappear right then and there? How was I still living? Was it possible to be dead and yet still breathe?

"Bella, are you alright?" A recognizable voice asked.

It was a voice I didn't desire to hear right now a dull, human one. I wanted to listen to the enchanting, velvety voice that whispered my name in a way no one else could imitate.

However, the question forced me back into my horrendous reality, where I was sitting in the incomplete cafeteria.

I looked at the face that produced the sound and answered in a rough, dry voice.

"No. I think I need to leave."

"Leave where?" Angela asked in true worry.

"Bathroom," I suggested to myself.

"O-okay. Do you want me to come with you?"

"No." I stood up and headed towards the girl's restroom as my legs controlled each step on their own.

When I arrived, the relief that should've come when I realized it was empty, never dawned on me.

I would have lost my senses even if there was someone in here anyway.

Without even waiting for the door to close all the way, I began sobbing in uncontrollable screeches. Saltwater already poured down my cheeks as I sunk down to the floor, sitting against the door.

I never truly knew what excruciating misery was until this day.

Regardless of how many screaming cries I let out, the pain remained, ripping my whole chest to pieces.

I squeezed my torso as tightly and as long as possible, feeling a countless amount holes develop, instead of just one.

I bawled until there were no more tears left and my voice was broken and scratchy. Since the hostile sorrow was still present, my body reacted in a different way.

I barely made it to the toilet when I began to dry heave.

Everything started to fade after the gagging was finished.

"Bella? Can hear me, Bella?" Dr. Gerandy inquired. My eyes opened slowly and I saw his old, weary face.

I sat up quickly, almost bumping my head against his.

With one look around the hospital room, I was hysterical again.

"Carlisle?" I screamed, "Carlisle, please!" Charlie came rushing to my side as the fresh tears began to well up in my eyes again.

"Calm down," he said comfortingly.

"No, I need Carlisle!" I sobbed like a child while I excepted my father's hug. I wept for 10 minutes straight before the doctor, I preferred not to see, spoke again.

"What happened, Bella? A few girls said they found you passed out in the women's bathroom at school." I didn't respond, just tried to control my crying.

"Tell me what happened."

I shook my head stubbornly, "I want to talk to Dr. Cullen," I sniffed.

"Dr. Cullen?" He asked Charlie, "Was that her old doctor in Arizona?"

"Um, I don't know," he shrugged, "Sweetheart, who is this doctor?"

"It's Carlisle, Edward's father! You know that, Charlie!" I fought hard against the wails, but lost the battle.

They spoke about me as the holes throbbed violently around the edges. I pushed hard against my chest and this brought on a memory.

There was only one person who could hold me together, my own personal sun.

"I need to see Jacob!"

I stood up from the bed, relieved I hadn't been dressed out yet.

I must've arrived a short time ago.

Before I exited the room, Charlie grabbed me by the wrist. "Now hold on just a minute. Where are you going?"

"Dad, please release me, I need to go to La Push!"

Somehow, I escaped from his grasp and started down the almost bare hallway. I stomped through the hospital, ignoring the odd looks a few nurses gave me. Before I left, I glanced at the old, wooden clock in the waiting room, seeing that Jake was out of school already.

When I made it into the drizzling parking lot, I remembered that I didn't have my truck.

Charlie's cruiser awaited in front of me, but I couldn't take it. I didn't have the keys and I didn't prefer to leave him here.

"Need a ride?" He inquired from behind me, after following me out.

I turned around to see the convicting expression he wore.

"Yeah, could you drive me to my truck?"

He sighed, then nodded.

I slid into the passenger's seat at the same time he entered the driver's.

"Now you need to go to La Push why?"

"I have to talk to Jacob."

"Jacob Black? Have you seen him recently?" He asked in confusion as he pulled out of the parking space. I had only arrived yesterday to him, he couldn't remember a time I visited the reservation.

"Yes," I half lied.

"Dr. Gerandy says he wants you to rest at home and to give him a ring if you get light headed or dizzy," he repeated exactly after the doctor, I assumed.

"I'll be fine, Dad. I need to see Jake now."

He peered at me from the side, "Fine, but if you get any of those symptoms, call me and I'll drive you straight to the hospital."

"Thanks," I spoke urgently instead of appreciatively.


	2. La Push

"So who are these Carlisle and Edward people you were talking about?"

I closed my eyes as the sadness rushed onto me again, "Good friends of mine," I whispered.

I wanted to ask if he had any idea as to who they were, but I knew I would wind up with the same pain of loss.

"From Arizona?"

"No. Please, Dad, don't speak about them," I choked out.

"Sorry," he muttered quietly.

The holes ached harshly again, but it was just a matter of minutes before I could reach Jacob.

Thankfully, we arrived at the empty school parking lot, where the rain poured down harder.

"I don't feel comfortable leaving you by yourself," Charlie called from the car, over the loud splashing water.

"I'll be fine, I'll be with the Black's soon."

He gave me another strange look, "I didn't know you were this good of friends with Jacob. I would think you would hang out with people who are older than you, not 2 years younger. Do you know where their house is?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I'll see you tonight, bye Dad."

He sighed hesitantly, then waved goodbye and drove off.

I climbed into my truck and waited impatiently to take off after Charlie was gone. I accelerated my car until it reached the speed of light, making it to the reservation in half the time.

An even stronger eagerness overtook me when I spotted the first houses of La Push through my window.

I desired to be there now.

The rain splattered against my windshield like nature was trying to keep me back, which only made me push harder on the gas pedal.

A few people in the cars that passed me stared angrily at me like I was crazy and some even honked their horns to warn me to slow down.

They were of no importance to me or even held a moment of my interest, so I ignored them.

At last, I arrived at the small, red, barn like house and scrambled to the door.

I knocked 4 hard times and by the end of the fourth one, the door was opened.

Jacob stood in front of me, looking more different than I wanted.

I rushed into him, locking my arms around his stomach.

"Oh, Jake, it's so good to see you! You're the only one left in my world." As I expected, I was tearing up again, but with the little happiness I could find at the time.

He patted my back awkwardly.

"Uh…do I know you?" He murmured in a confused, but pleased way.

I looked up at him in shock.

"Bella Swan?" He breathed.

"Yeah." When I looked at his face again, a big flood of disappointment swamped me.

"Why is your hair so long and how are you so short?"

He seemed offended by the way I said that.

"Excuse me, I like the length of my hair and who are calling short? I'm a good 6'1, you must be at least 5'2."

"5'4 Jake, 5'4."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you. We really need to talk."

He speculated me for a moment, then motioned me in.

"We haven't seen each other since we were little, what ever would you want to talk to me about?" he questioned as I followed him into the living room.

He was so young and happy, but it was all wrong. I was suppose to _remember_ him like that, he shouldn't be that now.

I waited to talk until we sat on the couch.

His face was still round from childhood and his pretty, glossy, black hair reached his shoulders.

"I have to ask you about your tribe."

"Oh," he responded in evident disappointment. I knew already that he took an interest in me at this time and wanted to talk about me…and him.

"How's Sam?"

"I didn't know you knew him. He's fine…"

"You're afraid of him, right?"

"Hey, he might be a senior, but I'm not scared of him."

"How tall is he?"

"Um, like an inch taller than me. What's with you and height?"

An _inch_? I didn't remember him being 6'2. My hope almost completely vanished.

"But he went through puberty! He's suppose to be-,"

Jacob gave me an odd look as I was interrupted.

"Bella Swan, is that you?" Billy questioned as he rolled into the living room.

Billy! He knew everything about the tribe.

"Hi, Billy."

"What a surprise. Charlie didn't tell me you were coming to visit."

"You're part of the tribe council," I started, ignoring his comment.

"Sure, sure."

"So you know every Quileute legend."

He nodded.

"Are there werewolves in your tribe?"

He looked at me in utter bewilderment, but it might of been an act for the sake of protecting the wolves' secret.

He looked down, thinking my question through.

"Oh, you're talking about the wolf legend, how we descended from wolves. No, it's only a myth."

"A myth? But your grandfather, Ephraim Black was a werewolf!"

He shook his head, "How do you know about him?"

"You told me yourself!" The waterworks could have started now until another question rose in my head.

"What about the legend of cold ones?"

"There is no legend with that title."

"The third wife?"

He shook his head again and tears coursed down my face like the unstoppable rain outside.

If werewolves didn't exist, then vampires didn't either. It was all a dream, only an illusion. There was no Edward and there could never be. My beloved was never coming back, he would never save me when I would be close to death or play my lullaby on the piano again.

Oh, how well I knew he was too good to be true.

Through the years, I stuck to Jacob and would get depressed whenever we were apart. People called us inseparable, and that was true. He was the only part of my world I had left and I couldn't stand to be away from him. He never turned into a wolf and remained the height I first saw him as for the rest of his life. When he turned 21, we married and somehow, before I said 'I do' on the best day of his life, I had a last, clear glimpse of my Edward's perfect, pale face, smiling at me the way he did at _our_ wedding.

We had two children. The first born a son, and the second a daughter. Jacob Jr. grew up to become a wise professor at Seattle University and Bridget became an owner of one of the top corporations in Washington.

Even at the old age of 92, I still think about my angel, Edward, seeing him only in my memories, never in my dreams. Somehow, I still manage to shed a tear for my long lost love, my heart endlessly searching for him on this earth. I never forgot a moment we shared together, just like it was yesterday when it happened. In my heart, I am with him, he is forever mine and nothing could ever change that. I will never obliterate all of the memories with my Edward Anthony Cullen.


End file.
